A Crabby Valentine

Because what says love like Crab Cakes for Two, eh? And these are no ordinary crab cakes, they're deliciously savory, flavorful crab-cakey goodness. Oh, and they're heart shaped, so yeah....  I've had two cans of crab meat sitting in my cabinets for a while now, and I promised my boyfriend seafood for Valentine's day (we try to avoid the overcrowded, overpriced restaurant thing). So I grabbed a bowl and threw some ingredients together. Given how on the fly these were made, I was expecting crab cakes that were simply good.  Instead I got tasty, melt-in-your-mouth awesomeness.  Best of all, it was disgustingly easy, so I highly recommend that you join me in making these for your Valentine sweetie.

What You'll Need

Supplies

Cutting board                                                                   Mixing bowl

Knife for chopping                                                           Mixing spoon

Sealable baggie                                                                Large cast iron skillet

Ingredients

2 6 oz cans white crab meat                                            Salt and pepper to taste
3 green onions                                                                  30 Ritz crackers
1/2 Tbsp parsley flakes                                                  3 Tbsp mayonnaise
3/4 tsp Old Bay Seasoning                                              1 cup olive oil

Now Let's Make Crab Cakes for Two!

Watch the fingers!

Begin by opening and draining off all the water on your canned crab meat.  Dump the crab meat into your large mixing bowl.  Next, chop your green onions.  The easiest way to do this is to line the onions up together and began chopping (it's really more of a half slicing, half chopping motion) at the green end until you get to the bottom of the onion that is all white.  Discard the white parts. Scrape the green onion into your large mixing bowl.

No need to be crabby.

Now, measure out 1/2 Tbsp parsley flakes and add them to the bowl. You can use a couple sprigs of chopped fresh parsley if you want; it's more colorful, but I didn't have any on hand. Measure out 3/4 tsp of Old Bay Seasoning and add it to the bowl.  It must be Old Bay; anything else is just... wrong. Next, add salt and pepper to taste; I used maybe 1/2 tsp salt and 1 tsp black pepper.  It definitely doesn't need more salt than that, but the pepper is pretty negotiable. Gently mix the ingredients together until you have a more uniform distribution.

Now take your sealable baggie, put in about 10 ritz crackers, and seal the bag, carefully pressing out any air.  Now smash (insert Hulk jokes into your cooking process now).  This is the easiest, cleanest way to generate cracker crumbs.  Using the baggie keeps crumbs from getting everywhere and prevents waste (/lecture). Add the crumbs to the bowl and repeat until all 30 crackers are crumbled.

I know I said no lumps...

Add 3 Tbsp of mayo and mix. You want a fairly even texture by the time your done mixing; no lumps, please.  Once blended, divide the crab mixture into four even parts in the bowl.  Refrigerate for about 5 minutes.  Chilling the mixture makes it a little less gooey and more workable for the next step. Take this time to prepare any other dishes you're serving or set up some candles. (Romance, people, romance!)

Remove the crab from the refrigerator. Take one of the four divided parts and roll it into a ball between your hands (clean hands, clean hands!).   Squish the ball between your hands to flatten it.  You want it fairly flat - about 3/4 of an inch thick.  Now cradle the flattened crab cake in your hands so that the flat surfaces face out and your hands are around the thinner edge. (Okay, see the 2nd picture if I'm being confusing). Curl your fingers down to form a heart with your hands (and, incidentally, the crab cake).  Flatten and repeat until you're satisfied with the shape of your heart shaped crab cake.  Set aside and repeat this process for the remaining three.

Ignore the irony.

Heat 1 cup of oil in your skillet over medium-high heat.  Do not put the crab cakes in until the oil is hot enough, or you'll be steeping your cake in oil. (Mumph). How do you tell if your oil is hot enough? Well, for starters, don't touch it (that's a no brainer, right? RIGHT?). Just barely wet your fingers and then flick a very small amount of water off of them into the oil (maybe stand back a little, just in case). If it sizzles and pops, your oil is ready.   Add all four crab cakes and cook on one side until it is dark brown. Flip and repeat.  Remove from oil.  Pat dry to remove excess oil if desired.

Who's an awesome girlfriend? This girl.

If you're not ready to serve your meal yet, the crab cakes respond well to being held warm in an oven.  Serve with your choice of delicious sides under candlelight (and yes, the lack of candlelit romance will totally affect the flavor).  The fettuccine tossed with the tiniest bit of alfredo seen here was particularly tasty paired with the crab cake.  Also, while this is the first Crab Cake I've ever had that didn't need Tabasco sauce, it still pairs nicely with it if you can't resist.

My chocolates now.
Happy Valentine's Day and stuff, hoomans.

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Let's Talk about Quiche

Cause really, who doesn't want to? (*glares menacingly*) Quiche is something of a family tradition on my mother's side, likely because her parents were so fond of French cuisine.  Today's recipe is for Ham and Cheese Quiche, and is only loosely based off my family recipe.  Quiche is easily adaptable to fit whatever is in your fridge at the time, so long as you get the basic custardy goodness down. This particular quiche version was inspired by my need to use up the last of the New Year ham. (waste not!) The recipe below is for two quiches, since I had two pie crusts, but the original is for one, and this recipe can be easily halved.

What You'll Need

Supplies

Large mixing bowl                                                   Cheese grater

Mixing spoon                                                            Liquid measuring cup

Medium mixing bowl                                                2 pie plates

Whisk

Ingredients

8 eggs                                                                       1/2 cup parmesan cheese

2 cans cream of onion soup                                       salt and pepper to taste

8 oz swiss cheese                                                      6-8 oz leftover ham

8 oz white cheddar cheese                                        1 cup nonfat milk

2 tsp mustard                                                            2 pie shells

Now Let's Make Ham and Cheese Quiche!

Preheat the oven to 375F. 

Crack your eight eggs into your medium mixing bowl. Whisk them together until the yolks and whites are thoroughly blended.  Don't forget to fish out any shell before this step in order to avoid much grumbling.  Set the eggs aside.

Open the 2 cans of cream of onion soup and spoon the soup into your large mixing bowl. Ignore any directions on the side of the soup can, as we'll be using the soup undiluted. Over the bowl, begin shredding your swiss and cheddar cheeses.  I hope you have a nicer grater than my handheld one, although mine at least comes equipped with a lovely assistant.  This is a long, arduous process, so try not to nod off and grate yourself (flesh totally ruins quiche).  However, it's necessary, as pre-shredded cheese messes up the chemistry of the dish (what do they put on that stuff anyway?).

Once your cheese is all shredded over the onion soup (it's easier to mix that way, hence the order), add your eggs, 2 tsp mustard, 1/2 cup parmesan cheese, and salt and pepper to taste. I typically use about 2 tsp of salt and pepper respectively.  Mix everything together until it is well blended and the cheese is fairly evenly distributed.  

Now, it's time to add the ham. Take whatever ham you've got and begin pulling it apart into small pieces.  The pieces should be smaller than bite size, since they need to fit inside a bite of quiche.  I typically do this over the large mixing bowl, adding the pieces of ham as I go. Continue this process until all the ham is shredded, and mix the ham into the rest of the mixture.  Make sure that both the ham and the cheese are evenly distributed.  Pour 1 cup of nonfat milk into the bowl and stir it in. This should achieve the appropriate consistency for the custard filling of the quiche.  You want a relatively thick liquid filling here. Do NOT add too much milk, or you'll wind up with a runny quiche (mumph).

Set your filling aside for the moment.  Take your two pie shells and press them into your two pie plates. Make sure to gently press the crusts into all areas of the plate; you don't want any gaps that can create air pockets during the cooking process. I typically use one box of pre-made pie crusts with this, since each box contains 2 crusts (when I do my more traditional quiche recipe, I'll show y'all how to do the crust from scratch). Take the edges that go over the glass and fold them in, sealing them to the inner side of the crust.  The resulting edge of your pie crusts should come right up to the edge of the pie glass.

Now, pour your custard filling into the pie crusts, dividing it evenly between each. This is definitely a two person job!  You need someone to hold the bowl and half pour as you scrape the filling into the shell.  As you scrape, make sure the cheese and ham don't settle or you'll wind up with an uneven filling distribution (i.e. one pie with more liquid and one with more solids. Ick). Scrape the bowl clean to take full advantage of all that quichey goodness.  

Bake the quiches at 375F for about 50 minutes.  Check the quiches at 30 minutes: you should see the edges beginning to set with a still liquid center.  At 40 minutes the edges should be beginning to brown and the center should be almost set.  Don't be alarmed if your quiche looks puffy; it's supposed to rise.  Remove it from the oven after 50 minutes, and allow the quiche to settle and cool for a bit.  You do not want to the quiche too soon, as it might run everywhere (And being chased by a rampaging quiche is just embarrassing). 

Mmmmm... quiche!

Wait about 5-10 minutes and then serve.  A quiche divides into about 8 slices, and it pairs very well with salad.  In fact, I've never eaten quiche without also having a salad, so anything else just seems wrong.  Quiche also keeps well refrigerated for about a week. Personally I think the leftovers are even better. Now, go impress someone with your newly acquired snooty quiche recipe!

My name is Sebastian R. Gato, and I *burp* approve of this recipe.

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