I Could Pee on This

How's that for a title?  Imagine my delight when this little gem came through the library the other day. Naturally I snatched it up.

The Basics
Marciuliano, Francesco. I Could Pee on This. San Francisco: Chronicle Books, 2012. Print.

What's not to love about a book of cat poetry? This collection features poems all written from the perspective of furry, felonious feline companions (No. I could not resist that alliteration). The author also writes the comic strip Sally Forth and has worked for the Onion and various other outlets. Unsurprisingly, his book of poetry is hilarious.

The Book
No, really, did I mention it was hilarious? If you're a cat lover or have lived with a cat, you'll find something in this collection to satisfactorily drive you to giggles. From the titular poem on, this book had me in hysterics.

There's really not much else to tell, so I'll let the book speak for itself with a few excerpts, read to you of course, by Sebastian R. Gato:

     Oh Christmas Tree

     

     O please

     O come on

     O like you didn't know

     What you were getting for Christmas

     Before I ripped open all your gifts

     O by the way

     The tree looks better on its side

     O I really do think so

Right in time for the holidays, don't you think? Or this one: 

     Most Amusing

     HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

     HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

     Hahahahahahahaha

     Haha Haha Ha

     That dog is wearing a sweater

Accompanied of course with a photo of a dog in a sweater.

Or my personal favorite:

     Kubla Kat

     On the edge of a laughing teacup

     Did Kubla Kat decree

     That the corn fritter festooned with medals

     Shall make the brownies free

     And so the walls turned to water

     To let our sorrows drown

     And the chairs burned themselves for warmth

                                                               So they need not face the clown

                                                               Then the spoons burst into song

                                                               And all the forks they understood

                                                               As I stared at my now talking claws

                                                               Because this catnip is just that good

Hehheh. An important thing to remember is that poetry is meant to be read aloud. And this stuff really benefits from a bit of theatrical flair. I had great fun cracking my family up with dramatic readings of particularly pertinent selections. So, go grab a copy; it'll have you in stitches. Also, it's size makes it an ideal stocking stuffer.

   

Susan's Super Chicken Salad

I've been struggling with some technical issues here on the blog lately. I recently ran out of picture storage space and had to upgrade. The upgrade took 24 hours to take effect, however, which kinda nixed my timing on Friday's book post.

Anyhoo, today's recipe comes to you courtesy of my friend and coworker Susan (everyone say, "hi"). She makes the best chicken salad. The BEST. Seriously, I hate chicken salad and I could eat this by the bucketful. So, I was really happy when she gave me permission to share it on the blog. (If you make it, soon, you'll be really happy, too. Just saying).

What You'll Need

Supplies

Large pot                                                                       Knife for slicing and dicing

Large mixing bowl                                                        Measuring cups

Cutting board                                                                Mixing spoon

Ingredients

18 oz cooked chicken                                                     4 boiled eggs

1/2 yellow onion                                                            Sweet pickle relish

Granny Smith apple                                                       Salt and pepper

1 cup chopped pecans                                                    Mayonnaise

1 1/2 cups cranraisins                                                  Bread

Now Let's Make Chicken Salad!
First note, you want to boil your eggs in advance. If you're new to this process, a great tutorial/ walk through can be found here. You can also buy hard boiled eggs in the deli or salad section of your grocery store.

You only need the large pot if you need to cook your chicken. 18oz of chicken is about 3 chicken breasts. Bring a pot of water to boil, add the chicken and cook until done (chicken should be white throughout). Shred your chicken and place in the large mixing bowl. I already had leftover chicken, so I just had to shred it. This recipe is a great way to use up leftovers.

Take your yellow onion, peel it and cut it in half. Set one half aside for another day. Mince the remaining half as finely as your streaming eyes will allow, and add it to the bowl of chicken. Susan's original recipe calls for grating the onion, so feel free to go with that option, too.

Next, you need to dice your apple. I like to go ahead and slice my apple, removing the seeds and core from each the slices. Then I slice along the length of the apple piece, turn it and slice perpendicularly across the cuts I just made. I find this to be the easiest method for me to dice apples. However, feel free to follow your bliss. Add your chopped apple to the bowl of chicken.

Grab a couple handfuls of pecans and place them on your cutting board. Begin chopping the pecans by rocking your knife back and forth across the pecans. Stop occasionally to gather them back into a pile and resume chopping until all the pecans are in pieces. You can also buy pre-chopped pecans, however, it's much cheaper to buy halves and do it yourself. Add the chopped pecans to the bowl of chicken.

(Guess what? That's right - more chopping!) Now you need to cut up your boiled eggs. If you've boiled your own make sure you peel them first (what's that? Duh? *shakes head* You'd be amazed). Gently slice the eggs, then turn your slices and cut the eggs into small cubes. Add the eggs to the bowl of chicken.

By now you should have a bowl full'o'ingredients. Add 1 1/2 cups cranraisins, and add salt, pepper and sweet pickle relish to taste (In my case, taste means no relish. blegh!) Using your mixing spoon, gently mix the ingredients together.

Now it's time to add the mayo.  You want the "salad to be moist but not mayonnaisey" per Ms. Susan. So, start by adding two heaping spoonfuls and mixing that in (I just use my mixing spoon to "measure"). I found that I had to add one more heaping spoonful and tiny bit more.

Pile the chicken salad onto a piece of bread. I find that a heavy, coarse bread like rye or pumpernickel is best.

Top it off with another slice and enjoy!

   

Fresh Baked Dilly Bread

Well foo. A small bout of food poisoning (not from my own cooking; stop laughing!) put my good intentions to get back on schedule to waste. Bleargh. Oh well. Here's a recipe post a day or two later than planned. I hope you all enjoy it!

This particular recipe has been in the family for a while. My grandparents used to make this and my mom's been raving about it for years. I had never had it before, but I do have access to all my grandparents' old recipes. That, combined with some texting to my mom/consultant, enabled me to recreate their process.  She seems to think it turned out pretty well. It was certainly tasty and delicious. Fair warning, this is not a difficult recipe but it does require a significant time investment for rising of dough.

What You'll Need

Supplies

Large mixing bowl                                                       Measuring cups

Small bowl                                                                   Wooden mixing spoon

Measuring spoons                                                        Plastic wrap

Mortar and pestle                                                         Round casserole dish

Spoon

Ingredients

1 packet dry active yeast                                            1 tsp onion powder

1/4 cup warm water                                                   1/4 tsp baking soda

8 oz small curd cottage cheese                                    1 1/2 Tbsp dill seed, divided

2 Tbsp sugar                                                               1 egg

1 Tbsp butter, soft + some for greasing                     2 1/4 cup all-purpose flour

Now Let's Make Dilly Bread!
Start by making sure you have a warm, dry place around 85-90 F to place the dough while it rises.  If you don't (I live in an apartment that's generally cold and drafty), you can set your oven on warm and put it in there. I also find (if its not summer) that a car parked in the sun does the trick. Warm on my oven is about 100 F so I let it heat, then turn it off, then repeat until the dough has had enough time to rise.

Measure out 1/4 cup warm water and pour it into the large mixing bowl. Make sure the water is very warm but not very hot. You want to activate the yeast, not kill it (like a visit to the spa instead of the Sun). Add the yeast to the water, sprinkling it evenly along the surface and allow it to soften. Softening yeast is a fancy term for letting it foam (I like to picture a little yeast disco). Leave your yeasty water alone for about 10 minutes, and when you come back it should be nice and frothy. If it's not, throw it away, get new yeast, and start over.

Beginning to foam

While you're waiting for your yeast to froth, measure out 8 oz of small curd cottage cheese (at least 1%; none of this nonfat junk, please) into your small bowl. Heat it to lukewarm in the microwave; about 20 seconds out to do the trick.

Then, measure out and add to the small bowl 2 Tbsp sugar, 1 Tbsp soft butter, 1 tsp onion powder, 1/4 tsp baking soda. Don't bother mixing it yet, this is just a prep bowl. If you're using a stand mixer, don't worry about having soft butter, but if you're doing it by hand it's a must.

Pile'o'ingredients

Add 1 Tbsp of dill seed to the small bowl. Put the other 1/2 Tbsp of dill seed in your mortar and pestle and grind until partially crushed. You don't need to go for a powder, but you want all the seed to be broken up. This releases more of the dill flavor into the bread. Add the crushed dill seed to the small bowl.

Crush, crush, crush

By now, your yeast should be foaming. Add the small bowl of ingredients to the yeast. Crack your large egg into the bowl as well. Mix the ingredients together until everything is well blended. You'll especially have to watch that egg, as the whites will resist mixing with the other liquids (snobs).

Dental floss, anyone?

Begin adding your flour to the liquid mixture 1/2 cup at a time. Beat well after each addition. I find that by the last addition I have to get in there with my hands because the dough begins to get stiff and hard to mix with the spoon. Make sure as much of your flour gets squished into the dough as possible. By the end, you should have a rounded floury ball of dough. If, for some reason, you find that your dough is too wet, you may add and addition 1/4 cup flour; just be careful.

 After addition 1                                                  After addition 2

 After addition 3                                                  After final addition

Place the dough ball in the center of the large bowl and cover the bowl loosely with plastic wrap (ie attach the wrap firmly but don't vacuum seal the thing). Place the bowl in a warm place and allow it to rise for 50-60 minutes. The dough should double in size and be nice and light.

Bundled up and ready to rise

While you wait, grease the bottom and sides of your round casserole dish with butter. I use a 9", 2 qt. round dish.  Once the dough has risen, stir it down and turn into the casserole dish. Let it rise for an additional 30-40 minutes in a warm place until the dough is light.

First rise

Stirred down

Second Rise

Bake at 350F for about 30-40 minutes until bread is golden brown.

Extract carefully with butter knife and fingers

Cut, serve, and nom!

   

An Artful Dodger

Yep, it's another Young Adult book; this time from prolific fantasy author Terry Pratchett. More and more popular adult authors are beginning to dip there toes into the young adult market. In this case, at least, the result is well worth reading.

The Basics
Pratchett, Terry. Dodger. New York: Harper, 2012. Print

Terry Pratchett hardly needs introduction, given his prolific Discworld series. Nor is Dodger Pratchett's first foray into the world of young adult fiction: he wrote several children's books in the 90s and a couple of his Discworld novels have been classed as YA.  Born in England in 1948, Pratchett got his start in writing as a journalist. This transitioned into writing novels, and eventually in 1983 the first Discworld novel was published. In 2008, Pratchett was knighted. Sadly, Sir Pratchett (now that's just fun to write) suffers from a rare form of Alzheimer's disease; he has contributed heavily to the Alzheimer's Research Trust.

The Book
Dodger is set in Victorian England and is a somewhat historical novel (naturally, it takes quite a few liberties).  On a stormy night, Dodger, the hero (though he'd vehemently deny it), rescues a young lady from two thugs. The young lady, Simplicity, had been badly beaten and sets off Dodger's quest to prevent her being forcibly returned to her abusive (and politically well-placed) husband and his family.

The book was a little slow to start, but once things get going, you'll be hooked. Dodger is a fun character, full of street smarts and a delightful juxtaposition of intelligence and ignorance. Readers get to watch Dodger change and grow, molding himself to his new circumstances as they shift and bettering himself for the sake of Simplicity. But this isn't just the story of a street rat being elevated above his original station. Dodger elevates himself, both intentionally and unintentionally. Moreover, he keeps those street savvy traits that help him excel and ultimately save his lady love.

There's also great fun to be had with the cast of historical figures used as characters: Charles Dickens, Benjamin Disraeli, Angela Burdett-Coutts, Robert Peel, Henry Mayhew. Being something of a Victorian nut, the appearance of these figures made me giggle with glee. And Pratchett uses them well. They flow into the story, becoming a believable part of it rather than a cheesy cameo that leaves readers thinking "Puh-lease." 

My favorite part of the book, however, had little to do with the actual story line and a whole lot to do with the appearance of one Charlie Dickens. I love Dickens; from Bleak House to A Christmas Carol, I love it all. Dickens' books are so ripe for literary analysis that I can hardly help myself. Pratchett clearly has a little Dickensian in him, too, because the novel is chock full of references. Some are blatant, but others are delightfully subtle references that only a well-read Dickensian would pick up on. Dodger himself is a reference to the artful Dodger of Oliver Twist. Then you've got the fog of Bleak House and so many more. They're fun to spot, and I loved it when Pratchett's Dickens would hear something and suddenly jot it down.

Dodger was a dense and well-crafted read that I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of. I'll probably reread it soon, just to see if I can spot more Dickens references. I know... I'm a nerd.

Extras

• Naturally, you must check out Pratchett's website. Most especially checkout the page for Dodger, but there's plenty else to entertain.
• The Telegraph has an interesting interview with Pratchett about his Alzheimer's diagnosis and his work as a campaigner in the right to die movement by Elizabeth Grice. Definitely worth a read.
• Speaking of causes, 'tis the Season to give, so take a gander at the Alzheimer's Research Trust's donation page.
• If you're interested in learning more about the Discworld series (drat it all, I have a feeling I'm going to get hooked into another) there are at least two wikis: Discworld & Terry Pratchett wiki and Discworld Wikia.

   

Blog Schedule

So, the blog has somehow gotten ridiculously out of sync of late. I'm skipping the usual recipe post this week to try to get back into the habit of my Friday/Sunday posting schedule. Regular programming should resume on Friday with a book post and Sunday with a recipe!

A Nice, Cozy Fall(out Shelter)

I stumbled upon this little book while processing in new items at the library the other day. I love that perk! I see all the new stuff first. Mwahahahaaaa! This book is by no means my typical fare, either. I typically steer clear of anything (post)apocalyptic and/or depressing. I read for fun - emphasis on fun. ("but, nothing says 'happy, happy joy, joy' like an old fashioned nuclear winter," you say?) But the premise of this novel caught my eye, and it held my interest so thoroughly I finished it in less than 24 hours.

The Basics
Bodeen, S.A. The Compound. New York: Feiwel and Friends, 2008. Print.

S.A. Bodeen started as an author of children's books, but upgraded to the Young Adult level with her novel The Compound. She has since written further YA books. Bodeen grew up on a Wisconsin dairy farm, which might explain her love of cheese (although, really, who doesn't love cheese?). Bodeen's YA endeavors seem to lean toward the incredibly cheerful dystopic genre, such as her novels The Gardener and The Raft (both of which look super interesting, by the by).

The Book
The Compound is the story of Eli, a young man who, along with his family, is forced to take shelter from a nuclear attack and its results in the titular Compound. Constructed by Eli's billionaire father, the Compound is a massive underground structure filled with luxury: just one problem - the food supply is starting to experience technical difficulties. Meanwhile, the family is getting a little stir crazy, and Eli's father has come up with a uniquely abhorrent method of extending the food supply. As the family grows suspicious of the father's motivations, Eli stumbles upon the laptop originally intended for his brother, who was unfortunately left behind when the family had to run for it. And then he finds an internet connection...

So, the premise of the book - family trapped in a underground compound hiding from an apparent nuclear winter with a seriously unstable head of house - very intriguing. I could not put this book down. It starts slow, with Eli waking up from his self-centered little fog of an existence and starting to question the situation. There's not much question over where the plot is heading, the appeal is in the suspense surrounding it all. As Eli gets closer to the truth the suspense builds and builds. Then all hell breaks loose as the family tries to escape. Bodeen manages her readers' building emotions very well, carefully building the tension until we finally (finally!) reach catharsis.  You get to that last twist, where you're thinking, "oh, come ON!" and she stops right there.

Eli is another intriguing component to the book. I hated him. He's a selfish little prig of a 15 year old who admires his muscles in the mirror, bullies his sisters, and willfully maintains a state of denial. I want to gouge his eyes out. But he nevertheless held my attention quite steadily. He develops quite well as a character over the course of the book, presenting a fascinating array of psychological issues that he has to work through. And, really, who wouldn't be a little messed up after 6 years in the Compound? I still didn't like him by the end of the novel, but I didn't hate his guts either.

All told, not my favorite book ever, but certainly one of the more fascinating reads. I highly recommend it. It's also chock full of issues, moral dilemmas, and strange characters, which provide ample talking points for use in a book group or classroom (*cough*AuntCaiti*cough*).

Extras

• Per usual, I'll point in the direction of the author's website.
• And of course, the author's blog.
• The sequel, The Fallout, is due out in 2013